Kids, don't do drugs! This is why
by Inyoface
Summary: Tyson's a druggie! Ray's got a food-fetish. Mariah's a gangster boss. Max is a boy. And Kai is green! If you wanna know what the heck is up with all this randomness and how it links then read this story! Enjoy the weirdness!


**Okay folks, I found this in one of my old school folders. It is an essay I wrote on the topic of drug-awareness for Biology class. Obviously the teacher didn't like it. XD**

**So yea, I found it the other day and decided to edit it for grammar and expand it a bit. It would have been such a waste to not post it!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, apart from your MOM!**

**Warning: Drug abuse, obviously! : P**

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Once upon a time, there was a crazy teenager, called Tyson, who earned money for his college admission by selling drugs. One day, he wanted to go sell drugs on a submarine. However, as soon as he reached to port, he found out that the submarine had sunk the day before. That made him very sad...

In his disappointment and "high"-ness, he decided to try selling some weed to the coast guard. The coast guard was a very intelligent man, so of course he bought the drugs first _and then_ arrested him. So Tyson landed in jail.

In jail it was very boring, plus it smelled like cheese and in the cantina, that would totally not pass a 21th century health regulations test (fo shizzle), they would only serve stupid diet tea (with cheese)!

A week passed. It was a very vibrant week as a matter of fact, involving nasty group showers and desperate hide and seek games between him and his homies to avoid involuntary bumsex and veggies. Then the unimaginable happened:

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Sarah Palin's daughter got pregnant!

However Tyson didn't really care about that since Palin senior was quite a shag...

Then something else (also unimaginable) happened:

The coast guard had been promoted to prison guard. So to piss Tyson off, he decided to smoke weed in front of Ty's cell. Fortunately for our dear drug dealer, the guard got so high, Tyson was able to convince him to give him a joint as well. So together they were standing inside (or outside -in the guards case) of a 2 times 2 square meter cell, smoking pot..., having funky hallucinations..., dreaming of the spice girls in fluorescent miniskirts... _happly ever after!!!_

That was of course until Max Mom (popularly known as Max' MILF) made an appearance. She had been Tyson's legal guardian ever since Grandpa's steroid abuse after 'Ally McBeal' had been cancelled on Foxtel. For some odd, unexplainable reason, she had issues with Tyson doing drugs so she smacked the guard over the head with her Special-Edition-limited-Xtra-heavy-XXL-Deluxe-Prada purse and then bailed Tyson out of jail.

Back at Max place, Tyson realised that he had grown a strange addiction to diet tea with cheese. He made tea and added some aspargine for the 'diet effect'. But then he found out something so disturbing, it made his stomach turn and scarred him for life:

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Max was a boy!

Like totally fo shizzle!!! He caught him coming out of the bathroom naked, and the absence of boobs was NOT pretty!

After he had overcome that initial shock, Tyson continued with the preparation of his tea, then he discovered that they were out of cheese.

So he "borrowed" Max' MILF's pink-camouflage-pussy-wagon to take a ride to the nearest McDonalds so that he could buy a burger and scrape the cheese off it. Once he had reached the nearest McDonalds he decided that it was too junk-foodie and fatty so instead he drove off to an entirely different 'family restaurant' that was cultivated and had style:

The Crusty Crab!

In the Crusty crab he ordered a Crabby Patty, scraped off the cheese, put it into his tea, drank his tea, got high on his tea... All in 5 minutes!!! Which was quite an accomplishment. Once he was done, he planned to feed the remainders of the burger to some random hobo because the hobo smelled funny.

'Yo, you with the tea. What do you think this is?' the hobo asked pointing at the burger.

'It's a little something that's cultivated and has style.' Tyson replied proudly.

'So it's gay?' the hobo assumed.

'I suppose it is.'

'Sweet, I'm gonna marry it and treasure it until I die!

'Ahm, actually I think you're supposed to eat it.' Tyson informed him.

'See!' the hobo said. 'That's exactly why you don't have a girl friend.'

Tyson shrugged and walked off.

'Hey, where do you think you're going, Dr Who? You come back now and pronounce us!' the smelly hobo yelled.

'But I'm not a Priest...'

'What do you know about religion?'

'Nothing I'm atheist.'

'Those are perfect conditions to become a priest. Now pronounce us.' the hobo ordered.

Tyson surrendered to the weirdness. 'Okay, okay. I now pronounce you what's-his-face and Crappy-Patty-without-cheese. You may kiss the broom! Happy now? '

'No!' the hobo protested. 'You have to use our real names, or else it doesn't count. My name Ray Kon and this is Finnigan, he's dead and I love him!'

After several tries and re-runs of the wedding in the glamorous car park of the Crusty Crab, Mr Crabs suddenly came running out, threatening to sue them for taking up parking space, so Tyson had an opportunity to flee.

May Ray Kon and Finnigan live in peace happily ever after...

Until they realise that they are actually under water and aren't able to breathe...

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Once Tyson returned back to Max MILF's place, he went to bed and whined. Then at one in the morning, he woke up, climbed up onto the top of the closed, and continued to whine up there.

Suddenly Max came bursting into his room dressed in some swingers party s/m outfit which apparently was supposed to represent some pop culture character called 'Batman'. He climbed up to the top of the closet, until he had reached Tyson. Then he smacked a cooking pan onto Tyson's head and yelled: 'I'm Jaimee Oliver. Surrender to my chili con carne with extra olive oil and basilikum!'

Then, suddenly the effect of his ADHD medication kicked in a he fell into a deep, eternal slumber.

Uninterrupted from the action that had just taken place in front of his very eyes, Tyson continued to whine.

Since Judy wasn't able to sleep that night with all the whining going on, she decided to sell all the tea and asparagines to the Mafia, so that Tyson could get rid of his drug addiction.

But Tyson didn't like that at all. After only a day without his tea he started to get withdrawal symptoms like sudden intelligence or fluorescent spit...

He had no choice, he had to get back his shit.

Of course Tyson was a very 'special' person, indeed he had been in every 'special class' there was since the start of high school, so he opted against simply buying new tea and asparagines in the grocery store and instead went to steal it from the Mafia.

Also he was wearing Max' swingers club outfit so that he would appear unsuspicious. But then the guards thought that he was the new stripper that their boss 'Big Pink' had ordered and brought him into 'Big Pink's villa. Big Pink's real name was Mariah. But when her boyfriend Ray had left her for a Crabby Patty without cheese, she turned to the underground and became the new Mafia boss.

Tyson got thrown into Big Pink's office, which was located underneath a J-pop disco and had 'Teriyaki boys' playing in the background.

'So Mr Stripper. What can you do for me?' she asked in a sly voice while patting a cat.

'Ahm, I can strip...' Tyson suggested. Wasn't that what strippers were supposed to do?

'You can? Oh marvellous!!!' Big Pink replied surprised.

'Hey, miss, are you aware that your cat is dead?' Tyson asked.

'It's not just dead, it's a frick'n plushies.'

'So why are you patting it then, it's not like it can feel it anyways.'

'Because it makes me look gangsta!'

'It also looks like a rat...'

Too late Tyson realised that he had said something bad:

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"_Also"_!!!!!

He hadn't been aware that Big Pink despised this word. She despised this word because backwards it was 'osla' which, if you added a 'g' would be 'gosla' and if you took away the 'o' would be 'g-sla'. And that simply sounded absolutely retarded!!!

'Guards!' Big Pink yelled. 'Throw him into the dungeon! The _Grinch_'s dungeon!'

The guards grabbed Tyson harshly under the arms and threw him into the back of a smelly van. Then they drove up the hill of 'who-ville' and unloaded him in on the door mat of the Grinch's dungeon.

Tyson remained lying on the door mat for five minutes until the Grinch randomly opened the door because he wanted to wipe the outside floor.

'Oh well, oh well, who have we here?' the Grinch asked without shedding a tear.

A voice weak and light formed a reply:

'It's just me, little old Ty.'

Then the Grinch told him his own name was Kai.

'But there is just one last thing to know.' Tyson told the Grinch while taking a bow.

'I do not like green eggs with ham. Sam-I-not-am. However, I _do_ like green eggs with tea, but that's just me.'

So the Grinch allowed Tyson the munchkin,

to enter his dearly loved dungeon.

And then him made him a tea,

while Tyson went to the toilet to pee.

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_THE END_

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**This was so random. I suppose you can tell that I ran out of rhymes at the Dr Seuss part. lol, I rhymed 'tea' with 'pee', like WTF!!!**

**Did anyone get the 'Tokyo Drift' part? The song they play in the movie is really called 'teriyaki boys'. Seriously!**

**Hope this teaches you folks a lesson: Don't do drugs! Or else you end up living with Kai as your roommate in a dungeon. **


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